You Can’t Outgrow a Cage You’re Still Trying to Decorate
Change doesn’t happen while you’re fluffing pillows in a locked room
I’ve always believed that life is, at its core, what we choose to make of it. While we can’t control every external force, once we begin to understand the societal structures around us, we gain the power to navigate them with intention. Knowledge brings clarity, and with clarity comes the possibility of change.
Most of us carry dreams, ambitions, and a quiet knowing that life could be more. Yet we often remain stuck in the same cycles, hoping things will improve while continuing to uphold the very systems and patterns that confine us. That’s where the quote, “You can’t outgrow a cage you’re still trying to decorate” lands truth wrapped in poetry.
This quote speaks to the tension between comfort and growth. It reminds us how easy it is to settle for familiar discomfort rather than risk the unknown, and how in doing so, we unconsciously sabotage our own evolution.
The Symbolism of the Cage – And Why We Stay
To truly understand the impact of the phrase “You can’t outgrow a cage you’re still trying to decorate,” we need to break it down.
In literature and psychology, the cage is a powerful symbol. It often represents limitation, oppression, and the invisible (or visible) boundaries placed on a person’s potential. Think of Maya Angelou’s I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings - the cage becomes a metaphor for systemic racism, trauma, and social expectations that silence and restrict. In Jungian psychology, the cage might represent the ego’s prison: a self-imposed identity shaped by fear, external validation, or childhood conditioning.
But not all cages are external. Often, they’re internalised. They show up as self-doubt, perfectionism, people-pleasing, or the need to follow life scripts handed to us by family, culture, or capitalism.
And here’s where it gets even more interesting: instead of breaking free, we often choose to decorate the cage.
What Does It Mean to “Decorate the Cage”?
Decorating the cage is a metaphor for making ourselves comfortable in confinement. It’s what happens when we invest energy into improving the appearance of our lives without addressing the deeper limitations. We change jobs but not our mindset. We buy more to feel better about having less freedom. We curate the perfect life online while quietly avoiding the real work it would take to actually live it.
A man who is used to a cage cannot understand freedom even if the door is open
In psychological terms, this could be described as coping through control or avoidance disguised as progress. Rather than face discomfort or risk, we beautify what’s familiar. We rationalise staying put by adding more pillows to the prison cell.
This act of decorating can be subtle. It can even look like success. But deep down, we know the truth: no matter how beautiful the cage becomes, it’s still a cage.
Many people wish for more financial stability - yet avoid the hard conversations, the career risks, or the skill-building that would allow them to earn more. They want savings, but spend impulsively; because saving requires discipline, delayed gratification, and sacrifice.
They dream of a better life, but not if it comes with temporary struggle, sweat, or discomfort.
In short: they want the outcome, not the process.
They want the garden but not the digging, the dirt, or the thorns.
Desire Without Discipline: When Dreams Become Distractions
Most people have dreams, but desire without discipline is just fantasy.
What I’ve observed is that people often fall in love with the outcome - the polished version, the highlight reel - not the messy, uncertain, often gruelling process it takes to get there. We want the breakthrough without the breakdown, the transformation without the transition.
This isn’t a moral failing, it’s human nature. In The War of Art, Steven Pressfield writes about Resistance, the invisible force that arises whenever we try to move beyond the cage of comfort. It’s not just procrastination or fear, it’s our deep psychological wiring to preserve the known, even when the known is suffocating us.
So instead of taking action, we rationalise. We point to external forces:
“Society isn’t structured for people like me to thrive.”
“The government doesn’t support its citizens.”
“The economy has destroyed my plans.”
Let’s be honest, these aren’t excuses; they’re real challenges. Structural inequality, political dysfunction, and economic instability are legitimate barriers. Psychology calls these systemic constraints, and they absolutely shape our lives.
But here’s the hard truth: barriers are not immovable. They evolve. Society shifts. Systems morph. And while the conditions may be unjust or unfair, they are not static.
What traps us isn’t only the system; it’s our unwillingness to adapt as the system changes.
The longer we stay in the cage, rationalising our inertia, dressing it up with blame or comfort, the harder it becomes to leave. Because while we’re standing still, the world is moving forward. And when we finally look up, what once felt like a small step now feels like an insurmountable leap.
In psychology, this relates to the comfort zone paradox: the more we retreat into safety, the smaller that zone becomes. Eventually, even freedom begins to feel like a threat, not a reward.
In Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl famously wrote:
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
That space, the gap between desire and discipline, is where we decide whether we’ll stay decorating the cage, or begin dismantling it.
The Door Opens When You Stop Pretending It’s Not Locked
Psychologist Carl Rogers said, “When I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” The same is true of our lives. When we stop pretending the cage is a phase, or “not that bad”, that’s when the door begins to unlock. But change doesn’t happen while you’re fluffing pillows in a locked room.
Take an inventory. Not with panic, and not with shame - but with truth. What are you tolerating that’s quietly breaking you?
And remember: you don’t have to do this alone.
No one’s an expert at life.
Closed mouths don’t get fed.
We’re not meant to go it alone; we’re meant to ask, share, support, and grow.
So ask for help. Build your village. Most people are willing to support someone who is trying, someone with a vision, someone done decorating and ready to rebuild. Surround yourself with those who remind you of your power, not your limitations.
Yes, external forces are real. Inequality exists. The system is flawed. But so is the weather, and we still get dressed for the day. Life moves in seasons. And adaptation isn’t just survival, it’s evolution.
You may not control the storm.
But you can stop calling the cage your shelter.
You can start choosing freedom one small act, one real choice at a time.
Because you were never meant to just survive the cage. You were meant to outgrow it.
“We are not trapped by our circumstances, but by the narratives we tell ourselves about them.”
